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Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The
second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it
needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor
chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude! The
pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word
with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George. Say, what's with that group
ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper
replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost
their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime." The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer
for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to
contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can
do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at
night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all
things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30
years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted
him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with
one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything
and everyone else to get the machine to work, but to no avail. In
desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so
many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took
the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the
end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular
component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The
company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The
engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build
targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The
graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The
graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with
that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a
mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said,
"No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was
a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through
a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
"Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
features yet."
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