-> Humor collection -> AT&T: Gettting even with telemarketing

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AT&T: Gettting even with telemarketing

Copyright © Robert Byron
All Rights Reserved 

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of
you, is to sit down at the dinner table, only to be interrupted by a
phone call from a telemarketer.  Here's how one person found a way to
be just as irritating to them.  The call was from AT&T and it went
like this:

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES!  This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

[At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking
that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone.  I ate
my salad.  Much to my surprise, when I picked up the
receiver, they were still waiting.]

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.

Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for

[When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can
express yourself any plainer by saying, "I'm really not
interested", but this lady was persistent.]

AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24
hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

[Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a
minute, but she at no time used the word rate.  I could clearly
see that it was time to whip out the trusty old
calculator and do a little ciphering.]

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes
sir, that's right!  24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that!  Wow!  That's amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big
one at the end of the year for the full $52,560?  And if you send an
annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week, 365 days a year.  That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per 
week and $52,560 per year.  I'm just interested in knowing how you
will be making the payments.

AT&T: Oh, no sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you.  You pay us 10
cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here!  Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a
minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but...

Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give
me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute?  Is this 
some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme?  I've read about things 
like this in the Enquirer, you know.  Don't use your alien
brainwashing techniques on me!

AT&T: No, sir; we are offering 10 cents a minute for...

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN!  Can I speak to a supervisor please!

AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure!  You say that now!  What happens later?

AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron.  Please hold.

[So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin
to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor.  After a wait of a few
minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:]

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10
cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?

Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

[I had to swallow before I choked on my food.  It was all I could do
to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so
that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who
was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

[I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls.  I
needed to end this conversation.  Suddenly, there was an 
aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.]

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in
signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that "Friends and Family" thing?  Because you can
never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to
have a little brother...

AT&T: (click)

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