netjeff.com Humor collection Politically correct genders

How to speak to a Woman and remain..."POLITICALLY CORRECT"

She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She is not HALF NAKED - She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC
INCARCERATION.
She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
She is not KINKY - She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION.
She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT.
She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is GRAVITY RESISTANT.
She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
She is not LOOSE - She is MORALLY IMPAIRED.
She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

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How to speak to a Man and remain..."POLITICALLY CORRECT"

He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
FACILITY.
He is not QUIET - He is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
He is not STUPID - He suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.
He does not get LOST ALL THE TIME - He discovers ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS.
He is not SHORT - He is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.
He does not have a RICH DADDY - He is a RECIPIENT OF PARENTAL ASSET
INFUSION.
He does not constantly TALK ABOUT CARS - He has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.
He does not have a HOT BODY - He is PHYSICALLY COMBUSTABLE.
He is not UNSOPHISTICATED - He is SOCIALLY CHALLENGED.
He is not a SEX MACHINE - He is ROMANTICALLY AUTOMATED.
He does not HOG THE BLANKETS - He is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not AFRAID OF COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not have his HEAD UP HIS BUTT - He suffers from CRANIAL-RECTAL
INVERSION.

netjeff.com Humor collection Politically correct genders