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The Night Before Impeachmas

'Twas the night before crisis,
And behind White House doors,
Not a creature was stirring, 
Especially not Gore.
  
The interns were nestled,
Dressed in their berets,
In hopes that Saint Bubba
Would come out to play.

When on the East Lawn,
There arose such a clatter,
Even Sam Donaldson
Lost control of his bladder.

Away to our TVs
We flew like a flash,
There's a special report,
And it's pre-empting M*A*S*H!

And what to our wondering 
Eyes should appear,
But a homely lil' troll,
With tapes for us to hear.

With a K-Mart bought blazer,
And a bad frizzy 'do,
And a tale to be told --
To me, and to you.

"On the chair!  On the carpet!
On the Oval Office desk!
With a chubby young intern,
Who was all eyes and chest!"

The Pres had been careless,
Indeed, dumb and dumber.
Now the whole world knew Bubba
Had gotten a hummer.

And Monica Lewinsky
Emerged from the rubble,
If she'd kept her mouth shut,
We'd not have all this trouble.

And thus set in motion,
A whole web o' spiders,
With pundits galore,
And "White House insiders."

You ask, "Who would care
About Bill and his penis?"
Republican Ken Starr, 
And he's armed with subpoenas!

More rapid than eagles,
Process servers, they flew!
"Here's one for you! 
And for you!  And you, too!"

"Now Jordan!  Now Currie!
Is there anyone else?!?
Let's subpoena the lawyers!
And Bubba himself!!"

"We want you to tell us
About Bill's private life,
And anyone he sleeps with,
'cept, of course, his wife."

And many months later,
After long we've all suffered,
Let's examine more closely
Just what Starr's uncovered...

We've learned "Little Bill"
Has a mind of his own,
And -- horror of horrors --
He likes to get blown!

A funny fact surfaced,
After 40 million bucks:
Seems most people don't care
Just who Clinton, er, makes love to.

The economy's great,
And shows no signs of slowing.
Hell, we hope Ms. Lewinsky
NEVER stops blowing!

Now the public's grown weary.
Will this sleaze never end?
We just want to get back
To "E.R.", and to "Friends." 

Now Monica, Linda --  
And Ken Starr, you fuck --
Get the hell off my TV, 
Your 15 minutes are up.
      
And what holds the future,
For Linda, the tape lady?
Well, Paula got a nose job,
And a brand new Mercedes!

And how'd Paula get these,
When she hasn't worked in months?
From her GOP Sugar Daddies -- 
She's a tramp, not a dunce!

Now they're talking impeachment,
Can't censure!  Can't spank!
They want Pirate Bubba
To walk down that plank.

But while calling for support,
They'd better call Heaven -- 
Bubba's better at cliffhangers
Than 007.

[  Copyright 1998 by Chris White     info@dailyprobe.com  ]

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