netjeff.com Humor collection Goodbye luncheon memo

Jim, Jodi, and Sharon are real people.  Their last names have been withheld.

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To: Jim
From: Jodi

If you plan to attend Sharon's luncheon, please let me
know your selection by Tuesday, June 7 ($10/person).  The choices are:

 --Broiled Sole Fillets-lightly seasoned or stuffed and served with
   rice pilaf
 --Popcorn Shrimp-bite sized breaded shrimp served with a baked potato
 --Grilled Chicken Breast-marinated boneless chicken breast served with
   rice pilaf
 --Chicken Fresco-baked chicken tenderloins & vegetables all in a light
   garlic & parmesan cheese sauce, served over linguini

Thanks!  Jodi

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Dear Jodi,

Thank you for arranging this luncheon for Sharon. I'm deciding what
to order, and I have a question.

What about us carnivores?  I want meat. Red raw meat. I want them
to lead it in on a rope and I want it to "moo" when I bite into it.
I don't want anybody I know to see me eating "rice pilaf" or
"chicken Fresco".  In fact I don't want anybody who knows anybody I
know to see me doing so. I want a dignified American meal of steak
and potatoes by God, served with flagons of blood-red wine. I want
Hungarian red wine, with a picture of a cow on the label.  I want to
think about Eastern Europeans making this wine for slave wages and
making it badly. I want the whole bottle. I want several.  I want
it served on a white tablecloth and I want that tablecloth to be so
soiled when we're done that it can't even be used for rags.  I want
a meal to remember, in the midst of bawdy company. I want someone to
tell off-color jokes and I want us all to laugh till we cry.  I want
some of us to discover that the person we've mumbled at as we've
passed in the halls these last 5 years is a sexual rogue. I want
several people to fail to return to work afterward. I want to see a
disciplinary memo sent down from the director's office in the wake
of all this. I want the restaurant to refuse to serve anyone from
the Lab for the next two years. I want to generate gossip. I want
media coverage. I want arrests. I want some careers launched and
others destroyed.  I want this luncheon to divide time into a before
and an after.  Despite her acute embarrassment at all this, I want
Sharon to change her mind and stay.

That's what I REALLY want.  I just KNOW you're going to tell me I
can't have it.  So I'll get back to you with my food order.

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Originally From: DAVE COBLE

netjeff.com Humor collection Goodbye luncheon memo