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In the beginning God Created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced with a
class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He
was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the Cease
and Desist order for the earthly part. Appearing at the hearing, God was asked
why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just
liked to be creative.
Then God said, "Let there be light." Officials immediately demanded to know how
the light would be made. Would there be strip mining? What about thermal
pollution?
God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire. God was
granted provisional permission to make light, assuming that no smoke would
result from the ball of fire, that he would obtain a building permit, and (to
conserve energy) would have the light out half the time.
God agreed and said he would call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night."
Officials replied that they were not interested in semantics.
God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed." The
EPA agreed so long as native seed was used.
Then God said, "Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the
fowl that may fly over the earth." Officials pointed out this would require
approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife
Federation and the Audubongelic Society.
Everything was OK until God said he wanted to complete the project in six days.
Officials informed him it would take at least 200 days to review the
application and the environmental impact statement. After that there would be a
public hearing. Then there would be 10-12 months before...
At this point God created Hell.
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