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Bill Gates to Take Control of Java
Redmond, WA - Software magnate Bill Gates announced today announced
plans to open a luxury resort and 20,000 acre high-tech theme park on
the Indonesian island of Java. In a joint effort with Donald Trump and
the Disney Corporation, Gates unveiled plans to open "Active Island" in
the fourth quarter of 1999. "We hope to open doors in time for New
Years Eve, 1999," Gates stated. "People can sit in our Internet
Explorer Cafe and watch as the world deals with the COBOL date problem.
I will be glorious!" The endeavor is estimated to cost over $1.2
billion. Most of the money is expected to come from Gates himself.
The resort will mix luxurious suites, fine dining, and personal health
coordinators with 24-hour Casinos, Las Vegas-style entertainment, and a
unprecedented high-tech amusement park design to showcase Microsoft
technologies. Gates explains: "We plan on having a 'Hands-on Mir'
exhibit, not with any replica, but with Mir itself. We are in
negotiations with both the Russian and US space organizations and are
confident that we'll be able to retrieve the space station over the next
several Space Shuttle missions. That was the real purpose of my recent
Javanese officials are also very upbeat about the plans. "We think it
will be great for the economy," said government spokesman Thang Pak.
"Nobody is really interested visiting a place called Jakarta, but
'Active Island,' now that sounds exciting. We're hoping to take a lot of
business from the Sandals resorts."
When asked about the thousands of Javanese citizens that will need to
relocate from the prospective sight, Mr. Pak seemed unconcerned. "We
believe that the positives will far outweigh the negatives. Most will
be retrained to work on the resort or on the Indonesian Explorer 4
cruise ship. I'm sure they'll be much happier."
However, not all are in favor of the resort. Ralph Nader, long time foe
of Microsoft's alleged monopolistic tendencies cries foul. "The people
of Java are being exploited an manipulated. If we let this madman take
Java now, what's next? Guam?" Others like Sun president and CEO, Scott
McNealy think that the plans are a marketing ploy. "Come-on guys. Don't
you get it? He can't take Sun's Java so he's taking Indonesia's Java.
He's going to turn a potentially open society in to a propriety people
who can only interact well with other Gates colonies."
Gates declined to respond directly to McNealy's rant, saying "I better
not, given the current litigation. I will say this. Our Java will be
better, cleaner, more efficient and more profitable." When asked which
Java he was referring too, Gates simply smiled and walked away.