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[ T H E D A I L Y P R O B E ]
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December 8, 1999
Please attach the following line to any forwarded portions:
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White info@dailyprobe.com ]
NEW YORK, NY (DPI) - Scientists at the Environmental Protection
Agency are warning citizens about an unexplained outbreak of forest
growth in many homes and businesses. Dr. Morris Schwartz explains,
"We started getting reports just after Thanksgiving that people
were spotting fir trees in office reception areas and employee
lounges where none had been before. Take this report from Benjamin
Kass in Miami Beach, 'One afternoon when I got back from court,
suddenly there's this tree in my law firm's reception area.
My mother would plotz if she saw such a thing inside.' We've got
similar reports coming in from orthodontist offices, accounting
firms, and delicatessens all over New York, Hollywood, and Cherry
Hill."
Also troubling are reports that houses in residential areas all
over the country are eerily glowing each night, some in various
colors. Said David Rothberg, of Philadelphia, "Each night on my
way home, more and more houses are giving off a strange series
of lights. I hope there hasn't been a radiation leak or something.
My mother is gonna worry sick about me." Dr. Schwartz has consulted
with colleagues at Mount Sinai, Cedars, and Brandies, but no one
has been able to explain these strange phenomena. Dr. Schwartz's
mother, however, suggests that chicken soup and a nice Jewish girl
can solve almost any problem.
- Reported by Jonathan Colan
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