netjeff.com Humor collection Some Relationship Definitions

Friend: Someone of the opposite sex who you're not sleeping with.
"Friend": Someone of the same sex who you *are* sleeping with.

Significant Other (SO): A gender-neutral term for a boyfriend or
girlfriend.  Equivalent to "lover," except that "lover" sounds all mushy
and icky.

Insignificant Other: A girlfriend/boyfriend you haven't exactly broken up
with...  you're just not returning their calls.  You kind of keep 'em
dangling in case someone better doesn't come along.

Distant Other: Like an insignificant other, but s/he lives in your old town
so you can basically fuck whoever you want and they'll never know.

Hypothetical Other: An imaginary friend you can have sex with. Immediately
introduced at parties when some doorknob starts hitting on you.

Welfare Caseworker: Like a surrogate parent, they send you money, ask you
when you're going to get a job, and hassle you if you don't write them once
a month.

Stalker: That weird person whom has an unrequited "thing" for you (and
whose "thing" you'd rather they keep to themselves).  A good source of
unsolicited gifts, midnight phone calls, and love letters (often written in
their own blood).  Until recently, known as a "secret admirer" until the
world got a little scary.

Wouldbe: That person for whom you have an unrequited "thing."

Phone Dreg: Someone who's listed in your little black book, but who you
would never, never call except as a last resort.

Phone Ghost: Someone who's still in your phone directory, despite having
moved out of your life seventeen years ago.  Sentimental value only; if it
weren't for phone ghosts, you'd have one slim and depressing rolodex.

Roommate (RM): The person you live with.

Ex-roommate: The person you used to live with, who may or may not still
have some of your stuff, and most definitely owes you money.

Roomex: Your current roommate's ex-roommate, whose old room you now live in
and whose junk mail and phone calls you're still getting.

Phantom Roommate: Some stranger who apparently used to live in your
apartment, because you're still getting his Visa bills.  May drop by out of
the blue to collect his mail, have a coffee, and root through your closet
for that shirt he left behind.

Submate: The person who's subletting your roommate's space while your
roommate is off tree-planting or something similar. Frequently unfamiliar
with dish-washing, food-sharing, and toilet-payer-buying protocols.

Roommains: The murdered former tenant whose bones are still sealed in the
plaster of your bedroom wall.  Usually quiet, but may start to throw dishes
around and scrawl backward messages on your bathroom mirror.  (Tip: you may
be able to get a break on the rent.)

Pet-in-law: Your roommate's or significant other's pet.  You don't have to
like it, just feed it and walk it and pick up the crap.

Ex-in-law: Your current boyfriend/girlfriend's ex.  You may find yourself
commiserating/getting ripped with your ex-in-law after your significant
other dumps your sorry ass.  (At which point, they would be your
ex-ex-in-law.)

Appliance-in-law: Your roommate's or significant other's stuff, but you can
use it anytime you want 'cause it's in the living room.

Folkmates: Your roommate's parents.  When they come to visit and take your
roommate out to dinner, they'll invite you along.  A good source of free
meals, used furniture and embarrassing secrets.

---
From: Kevin Mickey

netjeff.com Humor collection Some Relationship Definitions