netjeff.com Humor collection The Bill of No Rights

by Lewis Napper
(http://www.lp.org/lpnews/0010/campaign2000.html)

We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more
riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the
blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great
grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some
common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden
delusional and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people
were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a
Bill of No Rights.

ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other
form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but
no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based
on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You
may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion,
etc., but the World is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the
tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently
wealthy.

ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the
most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in
need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more
than the creation of another generation of professional couch
potatoes.

ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but
from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in health
care.

ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you
kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don't be surprised
if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob,
cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be
surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place
where you still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a
life of leisure.

ARTICLE VII:
You don't have the right to demand that our children risk their lives
in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive
governments and won't lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if
you'd like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do
not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little
tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.

ARTICLE VIII:
You don't have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to
have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect
you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational
training laid before you to make yourself useful.

ARTICLE X:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that
you have the right to pursue happiness - which by the way, is a lot
easier if you are unenncumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws
created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

netjeff.com Humor collection The Bill of No Rights