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Babies leave hospital with correct parents
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[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White info@dailyprobe.com ]
ORANGE, CA (DPI) - In a departure from recent medical precedent,
two babies born within hours of each other at a local hospital were
sent home with their biological parents. A high-ranking hospital
official defended the move, saying "Ever since Our Lady of the
Festering Wound Hospital became a for-profit entity in 1997, we
have tried to provide the best medical care possible, within the
tight fiscal constraints imposed by those penny-pinching bastards
at the health insurance companies. While we have been forced to
compromise occasionally, using such methods as watering down the
morphine, replacing some medication with placebos, insisting that
roommates share bedpans, and relaxing our monitoring and tracking
of the babies in the nursery, we believe we've been able to continue
to provide a healthy, healing environment. I fully support the
judgement call made by the nursery's nurses, ensuring that each of
the two babies left this hospital with his actual mother. This
service, of course, is an extra expense that will be added on to
their balance due."
One of the involved mothers was elated. "When the nurses threw my
little baby Sean to me as I was being rolled out the door of the
hospital an hour after childbirth, I was ecstatic. Having spent
twenty hours in labor, which ended in a C-section, it was a special
joy to actually be leaving the hospital with the very baby I gave
birth to. This makes me so happy, I can almost forget that I was
denied anesthesia." However, reaction to the incident was not
all good. "I can't believe they did this to me," said Mrs. Tara
Schmitty-Haus, the mother of the other baby. "I liked the other
baby better. He was cuter, and a blonde. They should have let me
have the luck of the draw, instead of sending me home with this
little bastard."
The Department of Health and Human Services has promised a full
investigation into the incident.
- Reported by Jim Dailey
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[ Copyright 1999, Chris White ]
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