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What's the command?

A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:

Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of
          a program?
UNIX Consultant: Yes, that's correct.
C: No, what is it ?
U: Yes.
C: So, which is the one?
U: No. 'which' is used to find the program.
C: Stop this. Who are you?
U: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo'
     to get information about 'yoo'.
C: All I want to know is what finds the revision code?
U: Use 'what'.
C: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true?
U: No. 'true' gives you 0.
C: Which one?
U: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'
C: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?
U: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what
     program' to get the revision code.
C: I want to find the revision code.
U: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'.
C: Which command will do what I need?
U: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
C: I think I understand. Let me write that.
U: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system.
C: Write what?
U: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
C: Cut that out!
U: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the
     options.
C: Do you always do this ?
U: 'du' will give you disk usage.
C: HELP!
U: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).
C: You make me angry.
U: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname'
     when I was upset once.
C: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
U: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system
     has 'more'.
C: Nice help! I'm confused more now!
U: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program,
     it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not
     allowed but 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file
     name.
C: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
U: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you
     to the Pascal compiler team.





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