netjeff.com Humor collection The VooDoo Dick

    A businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew
his wife would have a hard time being faithful while he was gone so he
decided to go to a sex shop to find something to entertain her.  As he
browsed through all the different toys the old man behind the counter asked
if he needed help.  He explained his situation and the old man said, "Well,
I don't really know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks,
except... ahhh... never mind."
    "Except what?" the man asked.
    "Nothing, nothing."
    "C'mon, tell me!"
    "Well, there is VooDoo Dick."
    "What's VooDoo Dick?" the man replied.
    "It can't be described" said the old man, "it can only be witnessed."
 So the old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, 
carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very
ordinary-looking black dildo.
    The businessman laughed, and said, "That's it?"
    The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."  The old
man pointed to a door across the room and said, "VooDoo Dick, the door."
 VooDoo Dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started
screwing the keyhole.  The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack 
developed down the middle.  Before the door could break, the old man said,
"VooDoo Dick, get back in your box!"   VooDoo dick stopped, floated back to
the box and lay there, quiet once again.
    "I'll take it!" said the businessman.  The old man resisted, saying it
wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $1000 in cash.  The guy took
it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all 
she had to do was say "VooDoo Dick, my pussy."  He left for his trip
satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
    After he'd been gone for a week, the wife was unbearably horny. She
thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she
remembered VooDoo Dick.  She got it out laid down on the bed and said,
"VooDoo Dick, my pussy!"    The VooDoo Dick shot to her crotch.  It was
great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.  After three orgasms, she 
decided she'd had enough, and tried to stop it, but she couldn't, her
husband had forgot to tell her how to stop it!
    She decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.  She tried
to get dressed as best as she could with a skirt and a top, but VooDoo Dick
just wouldn't stop and she had yet another orgasm, weakening her knees.
    Finally she got her clothes on, made it to the car and started to drive
to the hospital.  On the way, another orgasm made her swerve into oncoming
traffic, then back to her side of the road, narrowly missing a car.  Next
thing she knew there was a police car behind her with it's blue lights
flashing. The police officer asked for her license, and wanted to know how
much she'd had to drink.    Gasping and twitching, she explained that she
hadn't been drinking and tried to explain the problem of VooDoo Dick.
    The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, "Yeah, right
lady, VooDoo Dick, my ass!"

netjeff.com Humor collection The VooDoo Dick