netjeff.com -> Humor collection -> Stupid signs

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Stupid signs

At a Santa Fe gas station:
     We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
 
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:  38 years on the same spot.
 
In a Los Angeles dance hall:    Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
 
On a movie theater:
     Children's matinee today.  Adults not admitted unless with child.
 
In a Florida maternity ward:    No children allowed.
 
In the offices of a loan company:
     Ask about our plans for owning your home.
 
At a number of military bases:  Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
 
On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards:
     Now available in multi-packs.
 
On a shopping mall marquee:     Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced
 
Outside a country shop:         We buy junk and sell antiques.
 
In the window of an Oregon store:
     Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
 
In a New Jersey restaurant:     Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.
 
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:     Persons are prohibited from picking flowers
        from any but their own graves.


MORE STUPID SIGNS ....

*     At restaurant-gas stations throughout the nation:
          "Eat here and get gas."
 
*     At a Santa Fe gas station:
          "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."
 
*     In a New Hampshire jewelry store:
          "Ears pierced while you wait."
 
*     In a New York restaurant:
          "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the
           manager."
 
*     In a Michigan restaurant:
          "The early bird gets the worm!"
          "Special shoppers' luncheon before 11:00 AM."
 
*     On a delicatessen wall:
          "Our best is none too good."
 
*     On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
           "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law."
                "-- Sisters of Mercy"
 
*     On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
          "Thirty-eight years on the same spot."
 
*     In a Los Angeles dance hall:
          "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."
 
*     On a movie theater:
          "Children's matinee today.  Adults not admitted unless with
child."
 
*     In a Florida maternity ward:
          "No children allowed!"
 
*     In a New York drugstore:
          "We dispense with accuracy."
 
*     On a New York loft building:
          "Wanted:  Woman to sew buttons on the fourth floor."
 
*     In the office of a loan company:
          "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
 
*     In a New York medical building:
          "Mental health prevention center."
 
*     In a toy department:
          "Five Santa Clauses -- no waiting."
 
*     On a New York convalescent home:
          "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
 
*     On a Maine shop:
          "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices
and           workmanship."
 
*     At a number of military bases:
          "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
 
*     In a number of parking areas:
          "Violators will be enforced and Trespassers will be violated."
 
*     On a display of "I Love You Only" Valentine cards:
          "Now available in multi-packs."
 
*     In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
          "Don't kill your wife.  Let our washing machines do the dirty
work."
 
*     In a funeral parlor:
          "Ask about our layaway plan."
 
*     On a window of a New Hampshire hamburger restaurant:
          "Yes, we are open.  Sorry for the inconvenience."
 
*     In a clothing store:
          "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
 
*     In a Tacoma, Washington, men's clothing store:
          "15 men's wool suits - $10.00 - They won't last an hour!"
 
*     On an Indiana shopping mall marquee:
          "Archery tournament.  Ears pierced."
 
*     In the bathroom of a large apartment building:
          "When taking showers, please leave the bathroom door a jar.
           This will prevent the plaster from peeling."
 
*     Outside a country shop:
          "We buy junk and sell antiques."
 
*     On a Pennsylvania highway:
          "Drive carefully:  Auto accidents kill most people from 15 to
19."
 
*     In downtown Boston:
          "Callahan Tunnel/No. End."
 
*     In the window of an Oregon general store:
          "Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"
 
*     In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers:
          "Parking for birds only."
 
*     In a New Jersey restaurant:
          "Open 11:00 AM to 11:00 PM Midnight."
 
*     In front of a New Hampshire restaurant:
          "Now serving live lobsters."
 
*     On a radiator repair garage:
          "Best place to take a leak."
 
*     On a movie marquee:
             Now Playing:
            Adam and Eve
          with a cast of thousands!
 
*     In the vestry of a New England church:
          "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual
            light is extinguished."
 
*     In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
         "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their
own           graves."
 
*     On a roller coaster:
          "Watch your head."
 
*     On the grounds of a private school:
          "No trespassing without permission."
 
*     In a library:
          "Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public
stops           taking it away."
 
*     On a Tennessee highway:
           "Take Notice:  When this sign is under water the road is
            impassable."
 
*     Similarly in a New Hampshire car wash:
          "If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car."
 
Categories for this item: Real Life, Language, Stupidity

netjeff.com -> Humor collection -> Stupid signs