Ad: netjeff recommends
rShopping
app for Android, for your shopping list needs.
Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: TWO: One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and
take
all of the credit.
Q: How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: NONE: Klingons aren't afraid of the dark.
Q: What do the Klingons do with the dead bulb?
A: Execute it for failure.
Q: What do the Klingons do with the Klingon who replaces the bulb?
A: Execute him for cowardice.
Q: How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: ONE HUNDRED FIFTY_ONE: One to screw the light bulb in, and 150 to
self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.
Q: How many Vulcans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000000000000
Q: How many Borg does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: All of them!
Q: What is Captain Picards biggest pet peeve?
A: When they replace his dilithium crystals with Folgers crystals.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly.
Ah canna work miracles, Captain.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Dr. McCoy: Dammit Jim!! I'm a doctor not an farmer!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Spock: Obviously, it was the logical thing to do.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Data: Why is a barn yard fowl crossing a thoroughfare humorous?
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Mr. Worf: For the honor of all chickens.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Counsilor Troi: I knew it was going to happen. I could sense it.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Computer: Insufficient information.
Q: Have you heard about the book on Betazeds?
A: It's by: Ophelia Paine.
Q: Have you read the book "Go to Warp 9..."?
A: It's by: N. Gage
Q: Have you read the book "The Positronic Brain"?
A: It's by: Anne Droid
Q: Have you read the book "Damn it Jim"?
A: It's by: Ima Doctor and Nada Bricklayer.
Q: Have you read the book "Chekov: The Navigator"?
A: It's by: I. Kiptin
Q: What did one Borg say to one another right before their ship was
destroyed in sector zero zero one?
A: Hoisted by our own Picard.
Q: Did you hear about the new uniform making machine on the Enterprise?
A: Piccard told Riker to "Make it sew, Number One."
Q: What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage?
A: A croaking device.
Q: Why don't the Borg go to prison?
A: Because they obey the Lore!
Q: Why did the Borg cross the road?
A: Because it assimilated the chicken!
Q: Where do the Borg eat fast food?
A: At their local Borger King!
Dr. M'Benga was experimenting with cloning alien species. His first
experiment
was a disaster; the result was ugly and obscene. He decided to get rid
of it
by jettisoning it out of the hatch. Unfortunately, Captain Kirk saw him
do it,
and now M'Benga is facing a charge of making an obscene clone fall.
Spock, Spock.
Who's there?
Epsilon.
Epsilon who?
Epsilon way to Tipperary...
When the Melkotians beamed Kirk, Chekov, and McCoy down to the
recreation of
the OK Corral, none of the officers knew how to use the old-style
six-guns.
You see, they came from a time when no man had guns before.
Mr. Spock: "What is formula for PI?"
Chekov: "Er... apple or blueberry, sir?"
Then there was the time Janice Rand complained that someone had cut a
peephole
into her cabin door.
Captain Kirk promised to look into it.
Q: Why was Star Trek so successful?
A: It had good Genes.
McCoy: "I've borrowed Mr. Scott's bagpipes."
Kirk: "But you can't play them."
McCoy: "While I've got them, neither can he!"
Mr. Spock: " A Syzygy is three heavenly bodies lined up in a row. Give
me an
example."
Sulu: "Mudd's Women!"
The new ensign reported to sickbay for her physical. When stripped, Dr.
McCoy
nodded approvingly. "You look nice and trim. "Thanks," she answered. "I
weigh
one hundred pounds stripped for gym."
McCoy shook his head. "That guy has all the luck!"
Q: How do you get a one-armed Klingon out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.
Q: Why can't Klingon kids play in sandboxes?
A: Cats keep trying to cover them up.
Q: How did T'Pring's parents react when they learned she was not
marrying Spock?
A: They were Stonned.
Q: What are eyeglasses called on Vulcan?
A: Spocktacles
Mary Sue: "I just got engaged to Kevin!"
Mary Jane: "Oh, really?"
Mary Sue: "No, Riley." (really atrocious, ed.)
Q: What kind of noise is made my Vulcan popguns?
A: T'Pau (an atrocious ""classic"", ed.)
Q: Why did the Klingon cross the road?
A: To conquer the other side.
New crewwoman: "Where do I eat?"
Uhura: "You mess with the officers."
New crewwoman: "I figured that, but where do I eat?"
Q: How many members of the USS Enterprise does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: Six: Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say
"I canna do it, Cap'n! These bulbs are stoon dead",
Spock to tell Kirk he is proceeding illogically,
McCoy to say "They're dead, Jim!" and
"Dammit Jim-I'm a doctor not an electrician!!",
Kirk to screw it in,
and two red-shirt security men to die in the process.
-from Douglas E. Gogerty (deg(at)epx.cis.umn.edu)
Humor collection