netjeff.com Humor collection England's response to the Declaration of Independenc

The Court of King George III
London, England

July 10, 1776

Mr. Thomas Jefferson
c/o The Continental Congress
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Dear Mr. Jefferson:

We have read your "Declaration of Independence" with great   interest.
Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of   your
statements do merit serious consideration.  Unfortunately, the  
Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications
for   proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for
further   refinement. The questions which follow might assist you in
your process of   revision: 

1.  In your opening paragraph you use the phrase "the Laws of   Nature
and  Nature's God."  What are these laws?  In what way are they the  
criteria on which you base your central arguments?  Please document
with   citations from the recent literature. 

2.  In the same paragraph you refer to the "opinions of mankind."   
Whose polling data are you using?  Without specific evidence, it seems
to   us the "opinions of mankind" are a matter of opinion.

3.  You hold certain truths to be "self-evident."  Could you please
elaborate.  If they are as evident as you claim then it should not  
be difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting statistics. 

4.  "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" seem to be the  
goals of your proposal.  These are not measurable goals.  If you were
to say   that "among these is the ability to sustain an average life
expectancy   in six of the 13 colonies of at least 55 years, and to
enable newspapers in   the colonies to print news without outside
interference, and to raise   the average income of the colonists by 10
percent in the next 10   years," these could be measurable goals. 
Please clarify.

5.  You state that "Whenever any Form of Government becomes  
destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or
to abolish   it, and to institute a new Government...."  Have you
weighed this assertion   against all the alternatives?  What are the
trade-off considerations?

6.  Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive.   
Such a long list of grievances should precede the statement of goals,
not   follow it.  Your problem statement needs improvement.

7.  Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all.   
You state that the colonies "ought to be Free and Independent States,"
  and that they are "Absolved from All Allegiance to the British
Crown."  Who    or what must change to achieve this objective?  In what
way must they   change?  What specific steps will you take to overcome
the resistance?  How long   will it take?  We have found that a little
foresight in these areas helps   to prevent careless errors later on. 
How cost-effective are your strategies?

8.  Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for  
implementing your strategy?  Who conceived it?  Who provided the
theoretical   research? Who will constitute the advisory committee? 
Please submit an   organization chart and vitas of the principal
investigators.

9.  You must include an evaluation design.  We have been requiring  
this since Queen Anne's War.

10. What impact will your problem have?  Your failure to include   any
assessment of this inspires little confidence in the long-range  
prospects of your undertaking.

11. Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart, itemized  
budget, and manpower utilization matrix.

We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your  
"Declaration of Independence."  We welcome the submission of your
revised proposal.    Our due date for unsolicited proposals is July 31,
1776.  Ten copies with   original signatures will be required.

Sincerely,

Management Analyst to the British Crown

netjeff.com Humor collection England's response to the Declaration of Independenc