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Public assistance letters

The following are passages from actual letters from wives, patients and
relatives concerning allotments, relief, etc.:
1. Please send me my elopement as I have a baby four months old and he is my
only support and I must have all I can get to by feed and keep his close.
2. Both sides of my parents is poor and I can get nothing from them as my
mother has been in bed with the same doctor and won't change.
3. Please send me my wife's form to fill out.
4. I have already wrote the presidents and if I don't hear from you I will
have to write to Uncle Sam about you both.
5. Please send me a letter and let me know if my husband has made application
for a wife and baby.
6. I can't pay. I got six children. Can you tell me why this is?
7. Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my two children, you can
see one is a mistake.
8. Please find out if my husband is dead for certain as the man I am living
with won't eat or do anything until he knows for sure.
9. I am writing to tell you my baby is two years old was born two years ago.
When do I get relief?
10. I am annoyed you brand my children illiterate. O, the shame of it. It is a
dirty trick as I married their father three weeks before they were born.
11. In answer to your letter I gave birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope
this will be satisfactory.
12. I have no children as my husband is a truck driver and has to work day and
night when he was not sleeping.
13. You have changed my little girl into a boy. Does that matter?
14. In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins in the
enclosed envelope.
15. I am glad to say my husband, reported missing is now dead.
16. Unless I get my husband's money soon I will be forced to lead an immortal
17. I want my money now. I have been in bed with my doctor three weeks and he
doesn't seem to be doing me much good. If things don't change I will have to
look for another doctor.
18. I am a poor widow and all I have is out in front.
19. My husband had his project cut off three weeks ago, and I haven't had
relief since.
Categories for this item: Language, Stupidity -> Humor collection -> Public assistance letters