-> Humor collection -> 46 Things that never happen in Star Trek

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46 Things that never happen in Star Trek
1)  The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it  has
    encountered several times before.
2)  The Enterprise goes to check up on  a remote outpost of scientists, who
    are all perfectly all right.
3)  The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise,
    where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything  is soon revealed
    to be exactly as it seems.
4)  The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later
    turns out to be a rather well-known old lifeform, wearing a silly hat.
5)  The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange alien plague, for
    which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.
6)  An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to
    the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to
    bring the right leads.
7)  A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a
    faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering
8)  A power surge on the Bridge is fails to electrocute the user of a computer
    panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection
    feature called a 'fuse'.
9)  The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without
    serious incident.
10) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which
    does not put them on trial.
11) The Enterprise separates as soon as there is any danger.
12) The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, stange, and
    dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it
    on in the end.
13) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which
    they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.
14) The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in
    some way unconnected with the 20th century.
15) Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.
16) A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but
    fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to
    everyone's satisfaction.
17) The shields on the Enterprise stay up during a battle.
18) The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World on a bright, sunny, day
19) An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance is discovered
    without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent
    a fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."
20) A major character spends the entire episode in the Holodeck without a
    single malfunction trapping him/her there.
21) Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."
22) Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!
23) Picard walks up to the replicator and says, "Coke on ice."
24) Counsellor Troi states something other than the blindingly
25) Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor Troi's position.
26) Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski show
    up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetty?!  Did
    he serve you poisonous tea?!  He's MINE!"
27) When Worf tells the bride officers that something is entering visual range
    no one says "On screen."
28) Worf actually gives another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond
    to one of the Enterprise's hails.
29) Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done in
    "Deja Vu" then we could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).
30) Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy
    git, and consequently has a go at making some friends of his own age
    for a change.
31) Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and the Universe as we
    know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).
32) The warp engines start playing up a bit, but seem to sort
    themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius
    Wesley Crusher.
33) Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the warp drive and they work better than
34) Beverly Crusher manages to go through a whole episode without having a hot
    flush and getting breathless every time Picard is in the room.
35) Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy routine.
36) Data falls in love with the replicator.
37) Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits,
    and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
38) The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced
    people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime
39) An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the
40) Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not
    being able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three
    sentences that anyone says to him.
41) Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.
42) Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt.
    (Or even, Kirk DOESN'T get into a fistfight...)
43) Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female before she doesn't
    sacrifice herself for him.
44) Scotty doesn't mention the laws of physics
45) Spock (or Data) isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack
    by alien race/etc!! due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan
    physiology" (or positronic brain) and thus he cannot save the day.
46) The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's inability to
    understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eybrow.
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