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Microsoft = "The Matrix"?

[           T  H  E    D  A  I  L  Y     P  R  O  B  E            ]

    Please attach the following line to any forwarded portions:
    [  Copyright 1999 by Chris White  ]


                         November 10, 1999

WASHINGTON DC (DPI) - Government prosecutors in the Matrix 
anti-trust suit went a long way towards scoring a victory today 
when judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that the Matrix was indeed 
a monopoly. The Justice Department established that the Ruling 
Race of Sentient Machines (the Redmond, Washington-based controlling 
entity of the Matrix) were able to inhibit fair marketplace practice 
by controlling every aspect of the waking and dream world. 
"By placing humans in fluid-filled containers hooked up as giant 
batteries living out a computer-generated existence, they have made 
competing realities by startup companies virtually impossible. 
Additionally, they control the breeding fields, making access to 
the human race very difficult. Anyone who wanted to enslave mankind 
by setting up their own operating system for the world found 
themselves in for a nasty surprise" explained the Government's lead 
prosecutor Thomas "Neo" Anderson. "The Ruling Race of Sentient 
Machines may point to one or two people who operate outside the 
Matrix as proof of a level playing field, but as those outside will 
tell you, the Machines do every thing they can to squash the 
competition quickly." Antitrust experts are divided as to whether 
or not the Matrix will settle. "As Justice did such a bang-up job 
proving," says Duke professor Arnold Manchester, "we are nothing 
more than blobs spending our lives in a pool of our own filth. 
What is Justice going to do if it does win? They have to face up to 
the fact we are no more than giant sea monkeys to the computers and 
are really at their will. Besides, except for the occasional glitch, 
Matrix is actually fairly beneficial to the consumer."

The Ruling Race of Sentient Machines could not be reached for comment.

- Reported by Davejames

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