netjeff.com Humor collection What if the GM help phone line were like a computer help phone line?

     HELPLINE:  "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
     CUSTOMER:  "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"
     HELPLINE:  "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
     CUST: "What's an ignition?"
     HELPLINE:  "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
     and turns over the engine."
     CUST:"Ignition?  Motor?  Battery?  Engine?  How come I have
                  to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
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     HELPLINE:  "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
     CUST:  "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"
     HELPLINE:  "Is the gas tank empty?"
     CUST: "Huh?  How do I know!?"
     HELPLINE:  "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle,
     and markings from 'E' to 'F.'  Where is the needle pointing?"
     CUST: "It's pointing to 'E.'  What does that mean?"
     HELPLINE:  "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and
     purchasesome more gasoline.  You can install it yourself, or pay the
     vendor to install it for you."
     CUST: "What!?"  I paid $12,000. for this car!  Now you tell me
     that I have to keep buying more components?  I want a car
                   that comes with everything built in!"
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     HELPLINE:  "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
     CUST: "Your cars suck!"
     HELPLINE:  "What's wrong?"
     CUST:  "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
     HELPLINE:  "What were you doing?"
     CUST:  "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all
     the way to the floor.  It worked for a while, and then it crashed --
     and now it won't start!"
     HELPLINE:  "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.  What
     do you expect us to do about it?"
     CUST:  "I want you to send me one of the latest version that
                   doesn't crash anymore!"
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     HELPLINE:  "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"
     CUST:  "Hi!  I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
     because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering,
     power brakes, and power door locks."
     HELPLINE:  "Thanks for buying our car.  How can I help you?"
     CUST:  "How do I work it?"
     HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to drive?"
     CUST: "Do I know how to what?"
     HELPLINE:  "Do you know how to drive?"
     CUST: "I'm not a technical person!  I just want to go places in my
     car!"

netjeff.com Humor collection What if the GM help phone line were like a computer help phone line?