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)From a doctoral student in France
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now
officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has
commissioned a feasability study in ways of improving efficiency
in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessary difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through
and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of
changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of
course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using
's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all
sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could
be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not
only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal
workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was
anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written
'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double
letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the
languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to
read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would
be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to
steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of
'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'.
Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words
kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls,
difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze
drems of the Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.