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TO: All Employees
SUBJECT: Diversity Training
There will be a session of Diversity Training next Friday from 9:00 'til
4:00.
Please keep in mind that this is required training, and those of you
who do not complete the training by 6/95 will not receive the annual
"diversity bonus". As this accounts for 15-20% of you salary, we
strongly encourage participation. This is of course modified
pursuant to Acts HR.342, HRs.455 - 567, S.314, S666 and the 1995
Executive Order re: Freedom to Hold Opinions Like Ours.
Those of you explicitly or implicitly exempted by these acts will
receive the diversity bonus plus a mandated Compensatory (commonly
"collective guilt") bonus; an additional 40% added to your base
compensation, whether you attend training or not.
Topics covered will include:
New math:
The moral turpitude of Greatest Common Multiple.
vs.
The enlightened revolution of Least Common Denominator.
On gender:
Why men should carry 40 lbs of potatoes strapped to your
belly on Mondays.
The new Policy: Don't Look, Don't Talk, Don't Touch.
National Dress your Son in Pink Lace Tights and Send
Him to the Playground Day
On race:
The curse of "whitey".
Ozone depletion is Gods revenge on people lacking color.
On religion:
Corporate sponsorship and the holy trinity.
Voodoo, Is there a time for chickens in the workplace?
On disability:
Dealing with 47 chromosomes.
Your Penis and you.
Thursday is thorazine and blindfold day.
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posted by Kyle Huntley
Humor collection