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The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles

Compiled By: Bill Atchley (atchley(at)coltrane.gnets.ncsu.edu)

*** Funniest ****

Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind
Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?
I Don't Know What Came Over Me (When I Came All Over You)
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2
I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine
I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of Yew
I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
I'm Not Married But The Wife Is
I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me"
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

*** Not as funny ***

Do You Love As Good As You Look
Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?
Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart
Heaven's Just A Sin Away
Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me
How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33?
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy
I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)
I Meant Every Word That He Said
I Wanna Whip Your Cow
I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out Of Town
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
I Wouldn't Take You To A Dog Fight Even If I Thought You Could Win
I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him
I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite
I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue
I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
I'm Havin' Daydreams About Night Things In The Middle Of The Afternoon
I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
I've Got Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat
I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies And I'm Blue All The Time
I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back In My Bed While I Cry Over You
I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me, Her Memory Will
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?
If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight?
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long
If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure
If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad
It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To Me
It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long
Learning To Live Again Without You Is Killing Me
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I
 Can See Through You
Oh, Lord! It's Hard To Be Humble When You're Perfect In Every Way
Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed
Please Bypass This Heart
She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without.
Swing Wide Your Gate Of Love
Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You
There Ain't No Waste In My Baby's Love Canal
Touch Me With More Than Your Hands
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)
When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)
When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play
You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me
You May Put Me In Prison, But You Can't Keep My Face From Breakin' Out
You're A Cross I Can't Bear
You're Ruining My Bad Reputation
Categories for this item: Real Life, Hollywood

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