netjeff.com Humor collection Cartoon Laws of Physics

Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of
its situation. Ex: Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further
pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he
chances to look down.  At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet
per second per second takes over.

Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter
intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on
foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a
telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion
absolutely.  Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion
the Stooge's Surcease.

Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation
conforming to its perimeter.

Also called the Silhouette of Passage, this phenomenon is the speciality
of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards
who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a
house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole.  The threat of skunks or
matrimony often catalyses this reaction.

Cartoon Law IV
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or
equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral
down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken.

Corollary: Such an object is inevitably priceless, and the attempt to
capture it inevitably unsuccessful.

Cartoon Law V
All principles of gravity are negated by fear.

Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them
directly away from the earth's surface.  A spooky noise or an
adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the
cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole.  The
feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto
need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.

Cartoon Law VI
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once.

This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a
character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of
altercation at several places simultaneously.  This effect is common
as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled.  A `wacky'
character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds
and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.

Cartoon Law VII
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel
entrances; others cannot.

This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least
it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to
trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical
space.  The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to
follow into the painting.  This is ultimately a problem of art, not of
science.

Cartoon Law VIII
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent.

Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives
might comfortably afford.  They can be decimated, spliced, splayed,
accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be
destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate,
elongate, snap back, or solidify.

Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Cartoon Law IX
Everything falls faster than an anvil.

netjeff.com Humor collection Cartoon Laws of Physics