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Twelve Letters of Christmas
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Dec 14,
My One and .Only True Love,
I appreciate your thoughtful gift of yesterday. Do you
have a reciept? The pears were wrinkled like prunes and were
taped to the branches of the tree. The kids are disppointed
that we won't have a green tree this year. The Bantam
Rooster was a little tough but it was a nice change from
burgers.
Dec 15,
My Dearest True Love,
Another tree! And another tough Bantam Rooster. Did I
ever mention that I like chocolate? Until I get the coop
built, I am keeping the pigeons in the closet.
Dec 16,
My Dear True Love,
I got the coop finished, too late to save my clothes.
Now, I have to build an addition to it. The three chickens
you sent were cute in their little berets.
Dec 17,
Dear T. L.
More of the same. I would really like CHOCOLATE. Did
you listen to the parrots before you sent them? They must
have been raised in a marine barracks. The reverend next
door just put his house up for sale.
Dec 18,
T L
At last a gift that doesnt require taking care of. I
was not aware that rings came in three carat gold.
Dec 19,
Hello
I tried to saw the trees from the past week into fire
wood. When I started the saw, todays Bantam Rooster flew
into the storm window. Can you recommend a glazier? The
geese have made themselves at home, all over the house. I
now understand the term "loose as a goose". Can you send
some boots?
Dec 20,
Dear love,
The post office delivered seven swans. I placed them
in the pool where they have fallen in love with the
inflatable seahorse. Can you send some chicken feed.
Dec 21,
Dear love,
I apprecieate the maid service you sent but they
refuse to help clean up after all the birds. They want to
milk. Can you send a Cow.
Dec 22,
Miss
Just what I want at Christmas. Houseguests. Jumping
over my furniture. Bounding down the halls. Cancel the cow,
the maids are not interested in milking any more. They are
interested in playing catch me-catch me with the new guests.
Dec 23,
Miss,
I was surprised that you could hire the entire nude
review from Sammys Showgirls. The 18 male houseguests have
stopped jumping over my furniture. They are sitting on the
patio watching the dancers and taking speech lessons from
the parrots.
Dec 24,
Miss,
I have been served a summons. My neighbors seem to
believe that Good Bagpipe is an oxymoron. The maids and the
dancers have taken over the horseshoe pit for a mud
wrestleing turnament. I can see it from the kitchen where I
am busy making goose egg omlets and cooking birds. Are you
aware that chickens, swans, and geese all taste the same if
you put enough catsup on them.
Dec 25th
THIS IS THE LAST STRAW.
I was awakend at 5 AM by the sound of 12 bass drums.
There is not a football game within a THOUSAND miles of
here!! I now have 140 strangers in my house leaping,
dancing, drumming. piping, etc. Everything but milking. I
am tired of cleaning up after 184 birds. (minus those we
ate). I will give you all 40 rings back as soon as you get
the 12 spindly trees off my front lawn.
This engagement is OFF.
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