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Letter from college student to her parents

Dear Mom and Dad,
      It has now been three months since I left for college.  I am
 sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before.  I will
 bring you up to date but before you read on you had better sit down.
      I am getting along pretty well now.  The skull fracture and
 concussion I got when I jumped out of my apartment window when it
 caught fire after my arrival here is pretty well healed.  I only spent
 two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only
 get these sick headaches once a day.  Fortunately the fire and my jump
 were witnessed by Roger an attendant at the gas station, and he was
 the one who called the fire department.  He also visited me in the
 hospital, and since I had nowhere to live he was kind enough to invite
 me to share his apartment with him.  He is a very fine man, and we are
 planning to get married.  We haven't set the date yet, but it will be
 before my pregnancy begins to show.  His divorce is final now, and he
 shares custody of his 3 children.
      The reason for the delay in our marriage is that Roger has a
 minor infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood
 tests, and I carelessly caught it from him.  This will soon clear up
 with the penicillin injections I am taking daily.
      Now that I have brought you up to date I want to tell you that
 there was no fire, I did not have a concussion or skull fracture, I was
 not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I do not have
 syphillis, and there is no divorced man in my life.  However, I am
 getting a "D" in Art and an "F" in Biology and I wanted you to see
 these marks in the proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
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