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The Psychiatric Emergencies Hotline

RING . . .
RING . . .
CLICK

"Welcome to the Psychiatric Emergencies Hotline."

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just
        stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you
        which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No
        one will answer.

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netjeff.com -> Humor collection -> The Psychiatric Emergencies Hotline